Fixes
Alright you bunch of whiners...anything else I can do to fix my blog for you?
I intend on seriously revamping this site before too long...seriously. Stop laughing..I'm going to. Really.
It's on my to do list.
Now's good. Before was better...but before is gone.
Weekly News Update: Aug 15-21
Well, it's been a freakishly speedy past two weeks. The Leader's Retreat in downtown Fort Worth was awesome..check out
Mike's Blog for some cool stuff on that.
Without further ado, here's the Weekly News Update for the 15th through the 21st. What happened to the week of the 7th? Well...Nothing happened. Anywhere. So there was no news. Get over it.
All this shopping has made me tired...I think I'll take a nap. Where's my credit card?The Mall Of America, located in Minniapolis, is well known for it's extravagant shopping, indoor theme/waterpark, and over 4 miles of storefront space. But if venturing through this indoor conglomoration of marketing is too much for you, don't worry!
PowerNap Sleep Centers is constructing a new type of store located in the heart of the Mall Of America. For a low, low 70 cents per minute, you can walk in, kick off your shoes, and take a nap right there in the mall. That works out to $42 an hour for your nap. (!!!) PowerNap Inc. believes that this store will be ideal for business travelers who desire a nap after a long flight, but do not intend to stay overnight at a hotel. Ahh..how courteous. Imagine, if you will, how this scenario might take place: It's been a long, stressful day. Mr. Harrigan yelled at you again, and nobody at the office seems to like you. You want to pick up a few things at the Mall Of America, because that seems like a low impact, stress-free environment to be in. After walking 2 miles into the AmusMall,
you feel absolutely
exhausted. The wooden benches hurt your back..you begin to sulk. A man dressed in a stunningly white tuxedo smiles as you slouch by his store...You return the gesture by sticking your tongue out at him. He continues to smile, and says in an angelic voice, "You look like you could use a nap". You collapse into....ok ok, this is really stupid. But do you see my point? This idea seems pretty dumb to me. Wanna take a two hour nap without being charged 80 bucks? Go to your local movie theater, buy an $8 ticket for "Herbie, Fully Loaded", kick back, and catch some zzz's.
A very inspirational story. 
This is awesome. A 61-year-old man named Wally Stanley was struck by a drunk driver as he was out on a jog in 1984. Wally has been paralyzed from the waste down since...but that hasn't hurt is golf game. Last week, Wally sunk his 2nd hole-in-one in two years...Acing the 140-yard hole. Mr. Stanley drives a modified golfcart specially designed to drive on the green without leaving marks. His seat is also specially designed, allowing him to pull up next to his golfball, swivel out of the cart, and drive the ball--one handed. Yeah, a 140 yard drive, one handed. And since it was a Par 3, I bet he was holding back. Anyone want to arm wrestle this guy?
How cool is that, that this man has triumphed over his physical disabilities...they don't define him. I'd like to play a few rounds of golf with this guy.
Back to the funny news...
S.w.a.t.: Sure
We
Are
Totally-aware-of-what-we're-doing
.Ok, scenario time again. You and your family are hanging out, enjoying a lovely game of Cranium, when all of a suddon, men in black start busting in your windows, break your door down, come flying into your house, and tell you to get on the ground at gun point.
Pretty scary. Did it happen? Oh yes.
Federal and State authorities are looking into what went wrong when a New Jersey S.W.A.T team raided the wrong house.
"We are investigating what went wrong," said Sgt. Gerald Lewis Jr. "For some reason...we actually hit the wrong house."
Woops. The family of four living in the home was frightened and confused as the men searched for weapons and drugs within the home. The poor Swat team took 15 minutes to realize that they were at the incorrect address. Crud.
Attorneys are still assessing the amount of damage done to the home, to be paid for by our Tax Dollars.
Well, next time you go to raid somebody's home, gentlemen, tell your dispatcher not to use Mapsco.
That is all, we'll catch up on Product Recall's next week.
Weekly News Update: August 1-8
Well, Mike is totally showing me up on updating..man...I need to step it up. Stick it to the man. Here's what's making news.
The Fish That Got Away...with his life.Berlin, Germany-A German man fishing off the shore of Lake Kleinen Pohlitzer near Eisenhuettenstadt (bless you) lost more than his lure early this week. Eye witnesses say the 46-year-old lost his fishing pole while reeling in his catch. The pole was dragged about 110 yards out by the fish. Irritated, the man entered the lake and swam out to his fishing rod. Witnesses then noticed that the man quit moving at this point. One witness swam out and dragged the fisherman back to shore, where he was later pronounced dead. Explaination indicated the man suffered from a heartattack while swimming after the fishing rod. I think it's a cover up for some mutant science experiment gone horribly wrong, and now Lake Kleinihawkalugee is inhabited by some creature who feeds on unsuspecting fisherman.
Watch yer tongue, matey..or you'll walk the plank...er..planks...very small ones...Amsterdam, Netherlands-a former hollywood stunt man is setting the sailes on his new homemade Viking Ship replica, constructed totally from ice cream sticks. Wow. The thing is full size! Forty-five feet long from stern to bow, the ship is held together by more than one ton of glue. He estimated that he used 15 million ice cream sticks in all, most donated by a local icecream shop owner, but many were scavanged by neighborhood children. Again, wow.
Although he calculated the boat's ability to float, he had prepared an alternate press release incase the replica sank. It was probably something like "well, we had fun building it...Thanks to Mr. Sprinkles at Sprinkles Ice Cream for the $15,000 dollars worth of wood that we just put at the bottom of the ocean. And to the kids who's hopes and dreams I just sank with that boat." Lucky for him it floats, I say.
I'm sure they won't mind...I mean, we have Badges! Come on...Richmond, California-a burglary incident that took place in a local mall in Richmond led local policemen on a several hour search for the intruders. A security camera captured six police officers helping themselves to a beverage despenser in the back of a cookie shop. Noone at the Sherriff's Office, including the Police Chief, have commented on the situation. Their attorney, however, is insisting that they were dehydrated. All six of them? Strange. Ok, Ok..I'm sure they were thirsty, but come on...that's still theft, right? What would they have done if they had caught the burglars they were looking for helping
themselves to some icy Dr. Peppers? They would've slapped cuff's on them and added theft charges to their records. But hey, they have badges...
And lastly, this week's Consumer Recall ReportWASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission announces the following recall in voluntary cooperation with the firm below.
Name of Product: Ritchey WCS - Protocol, Carbon, DS, DS Aero, Girder models (all rear wheels only)
Units: About 2,000
Manufacturer: Ritchey Design, of San Carlos, Calif.
Hazard: The hub in the bicycle's rear wheel can fail to engage properly, causing no resistance when pedaling. The bicycle rider can lose balance, fall and suffer injuries.
Incidents/Injuries: Ritchey Design has received one report of a bicycle rider who suffered minor bruises and abrasions after experiencing no pedal resistance and falling from the bike.
Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.
Frankly, I'm a little disappointed with the Incidents/Injuries part..I mean, come on..only one injury? That's all it takes to make them recall 2000 of their products? Oh well, they can't all be winners. We'll keep our eyes upon, though.
That is all.
More Communion Creamer with your coffee?
The
Autom Online webshop (Inspirational Gifts since 1948) now offers Communion made easy--"especially convenient for offering communion in the hospital, at home, or other places outside a formal church setting". Huh. The idea of putting crackers and juice in coffee creamer containers so you can take Communion 'on the go' seems a little strange at first, but let's think about some stuff. Remember the Corinthians? Their ideology concerning Communion was literally a celebration of community. They partied as they enjoyed the fellowship of each other while thankfully remembering the grace given to them by Jesus Christ at the Cross. I totally believe that Communion may be remembered in a celebratory or somber fashion. In fact, Jesus commands us to remember Him and what He's done for us (at the last supper)--Whether that's in Church with our eyes shut and heads bowed, or hanging out with other believers and saying "Dude, it's awesome that Jesus has died and given His blood for us". I don't think God has a preference, as long as we're not missing the point. One may feel more "spiritual" compared to the other, but I believe that basing your relationship with Christ on your personal emotions is erroneous. What matters is you're spending time with Christ, remembering that He has died for your sins so that we may be with Him. It's also important that you reflect on this fact. What does that mean? Well, to reflect on something usually means to consider deeply, or to give something lots of thought. But reflection of Communion means to let your life reflect (like a mirror) the fact that Christ has given His life for us. I think these are the two huge points that Jesus wanted us to get out of Communion: Remember what He has done for us, and let your life be changed because of that.
Autom offers these little cups of juice and crackers so that you may take communion in places outside of a Church setting. That's cool to me, as long as you're not missing the point. If your partaking in Communion (remembering the two points above) is dependent on having a cup of Welches and some Saltines, then you are definitely missing the mark. The Bread and Wine are representative, so that we may remember the Body and Blood of Christ Jesus. Jesus doesn't require you to have them in front of you in order to remember Him, but He tells us that by partaking in this act in fellowship with one another
(community) will allow us to grow in our relationship with Him and each other.
So what's the point to all of this jabber? Remember that Communion is the rememberance and reflection of what Christ has done for us. How will our lives be changed because of this?
If having a portable cup with you and others helps you to focus on the facts above, then I think that's great. Just don't be dependent on physical things to intercede your relationship with Christ.
By the way, the 6-cup/wafer package sold by Autom can be ordered for only $4.99. But sorry, no C.o.d's.
Special Thanks to Jill "The Snoop" Dehaven, my lead reporter, for this find.
Weekly News Update: July 26-Aug 1
I apologize for the lack of recent updates (Mike), but here's your weekly news update:
Dentures Got Your Tongue?A Taiwanese man is probably breathing easier after a surgeon removed his missing set of dentures from his throat — three years after he lost them. Thats right. The unidentified man visited a local hospital in Taipei complaining of a high fever and shortness of breath. Surgeon Chen Chun-lei identified the problem with an x-ray, finding the man's denture lodged in one of his bronchial tubes. The missing denture was swallowed as a result of a fall which occured THREE YEARS ago. Fortunately, the denture was lodged in such a way that his airway wasn't entirely restricted. However, you'd think that he'd be much more aware of the fact that he swallowed his teeth if he all of a suddon couldn't breath. Well, count your blessings, old man...and your dentures, next time.
Take This, Keepers Of The PeaceA Minnisota man was issued a speeding ticket for driving 70 MPH in a 55 MPH zone. Here's the kicker: Since he was so mad at being given the $120 ticket, he decided to take out his rage on the Judicial System. Upon appearing at the courthouse to pay his fine, the man brought with him a small garbage can containing 12,000 pennies! His logic was that by annoying the judge, he could have his revenge. However, his plan backfired when Clay County District Judge John Pearson ordered the man to count out all of the pennies himself. Pearson then ordered the man to exchange the coins at a local change machine and return with cash. Ha! Justice be done.
Weekly AlertAnd lastly, this week's Alert is a recall: The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission announces the following recall in voluntary cooperation with the Holmes Group of Milford, Mass..
Name of Product: Rival(r) Slow Cooker. About 2.6 million of these puppies have been distributed in America.
The Hazard: The handles on the base of the slow cookers can break, posing a risk of burns from hot contents spilling onto consumers. These Rival(r) Slow Cookers, sold from January 1999 through May 2002, were previously recalled for the same hazard. The recall has now been expanded to include all units manufactured before September 2004.
Incidents/Injuries (the fun part): CPSC has received a total of 126 reports of handles breaking, including 33 reports of consumers who reported burn injuries from the hot contents of these slow cookers. Ouch.
Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.
That is all.
All this shopping has made me tired...I think I'll take a nap. Where's my credit card?
S.w.a.t.: Sure We Are Totally-aware-of-what-we're-doing.
Watch yer tongue, matey..or you'll walk the plank...er..planks...very small ones...
Dentures Got Your Tongue?
